Thursday, August 07, 2008

Battling self consciousness, and other double edged swords

It's here, finally. The slightly vain-glorious, but needling feeling that who you don't want to read is reading, and the people you'd rather tell something in person, will already know what you're talking about. Long live RSS.

The first one is much worse -- the who you don't want to read is reading bit. Flattering, but unnerving. Also occasionally intrusive, not to mention plain voyeuristic. Unless of course, a taken-to-heart-fondness for my lovely template and the header I refuse to change just yet is the root. Which it isn't, because voyeurs are we, bloggers is us. We apparently can't help prying. Taking my own matters in my lovely hands, I've decided to unsubscribe from a lot of the crap blogs one reads as sheer habit. Mundane is OK, but excessive is wrong, and so initiative dictates that out they go. Hear the jangle of trash cans, baby.

No seriously, reading trash blogs is like watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S -- out of habit. It isn't a particularly funny sit com, we're just so bloody used to the six twits. And the six twits at least endear. So their honest to goodness equivalents on blogspot stay. I guess. But thats about it. Down with clutter is good Karma, and helps you appreciate the undiluted brilliance of Seinfeld.

I'm confusing issues. I'm also digressing, but to lift from my friend's blog, this is my space, I breathe here. Now see, she -- Mayo, I will continue to read, because I have a vested interest in her life, and I'm just lucky that she writes well. If she weren't a good writer, I'd still plough through the crap, but that's what friends are for, blogspot or no blogspot.

Vardhan's another one. Inhibited typer, but I'd value his criticism more than most. So I read. I read on, and scroll, further faster and fastest, skip through paras but I get the post browsed through. Fraanship rocks. He comes over to have coffee with me at home and gives me a dressing down about the shit I've started to churn out!! "Doesn't the standard make you conscious??!!" I yelped off my chair, I did.

And friend wise, one of my favourite of favouritest HUMAN BEINGS AT LARGE picked up the blogging habit. He called himself a brown cow, or Monty Python, or something or the other. Well, whatever it was, 'definitely enough to warrant a demented following, and I do so love being tagged.

But that's about the people -- nay, the friends who blog. Probably a few left out but the others are bloggers who one is merely acquainted with. Fine difference, and it needn't be blurred. And more importantly, needn't be read. No vested interest, no want to be voyeur, not terribly appreciative of writing skills either.

I was beginning to gather my excuses -- to same Vardhan fella, still over coffee: I can't ya. Not when so and so reads. How personal do you want me to get? Why the fuck should said so and so know; all my excuses and other petty sounding drivel. Not the person one aspires to be!

If it were all that personal a blog, and I had an ounce of bloggerly writerly integrity, I might want to mention say, for instance -- and I bide my time in making it sound more casual than it feels -- the new boyfriend who I won't blog about because my old boyfriend will read it and be hurt. Which then means I can't write about ANYTHING to do with new hot deep voiced chivalrous musician in question, because not that he would have a problem -- haven't asked, frankly, doesn't matter either. The issue is me, as is the rant.

Flipping which, when blogging about other stupidities, I'd have to shut up mid sentence, because with "Yea yea, I read" tossed at me, I feel my job to dissipate rubbish facts of my life is done, before I say it is. What ever happened to repeating conversations that were fun the first time around? To flogging dead animal tales, and re enacting? To re animating, adding mirch masala, and bring in heftier doses of fervour to enthrall a very cultivated audience?

It's stifling, yet brought on entirely by the keystroke-happy blogger being that in my case is, well, me.


Perakath said...

Scout did blog about it: 10 reasons not to date a blogger (or a reader). I wonder if she's been consigned to the Unsubscribe bin too.

S Vardhan said...

Always happy to help... I think! hehe, catch me miss a chance to wag venom tongue! hehe.... jokes apart new resolve sounds promising, and look forward to the more streamlined, better regulated Nimpipi outpourings... and i agree there's too much floating around in the blogosphere which we can very well do without: bad literature, voyeurs and all.. Good luck in steering clear ;-)

Mayonnaise Toss said...

It’s taken me some time to graduate from the “he may be reading” to the “I don’t care, I will mention my engagement”!
It’s a thing I suppose – we all suffer from MPD – and live different lives and are different with different people – and the blog is one place where this dilemma comes across very strongly – and only at the blog I think – not when you are at a coffee shop with that righteous cousin, or on the phone with the ex, or having beer with the friend – and hence I have 2 blogs (used to have 2 and a half actually – the half shared with miss p) – the second one is where I can mention anything and I mean ANYTHING and ANYONE – something that I still can’t do at mine – because I haven’t graduated to that level yet.
One step at a time I suppose Nimps – one day I suppose one has to reach here – where, like you, I may truly embody the “this is my space, I breathe here” bit. Today it was your day.
*Brave pat on the shoulders and big proud grin*

S Vardhan said...

perakath: for all you compulsive omnipresence on the blogosphere, you make a determined escape of my canary 5-post 30,000 word newie... why ?? Coorg connection, old times sake.... all that, pliss...

Perakath said...

Should I be flattered? :) I did mean to add you to Reader, months ago, but forgot, looks like. You're on now. No backscratching required.

(I'd forgotten the Coorg connection! But old times' sake, defn.)

manu said...

N: you make me blush.. despite my warnings at what a stupendous task it is for me to go from brown to brown-reddish.. but you insist.. and I will faithfully comply.

as for unwanted peeping Toms.. are you leaning towards the "zamana kya kahega" sidelines? I couldn't agree with your friend mayo more.. this is your space, your bit of virtual real estate.. and bollocks to everyone else. Peops in general get offended about just about anything, can't go around attempting at universal acceptance na?


.. seriously sori for ruining your previous post's comment space..

bwwaaaahahahaha :-D

Nimpipi said...

mayo: what's mpd?

m: bollocks to peeping toms is easy enough, but they aren't all peeping toms na yo.

also, i will slap your face! you used to be so well mannered! tch tch.

El said...

yea yea I get it you won't be reading my blog anymore, if you were at all in the first place..

musician you say? do tell more, like long haired guitar and drums or sitar? banjo? harmonium? or tambourine like Betty.

yea, I'm gonna have fun with this.

Nimpipi said...

el: shush child. I have you on my feed reader so not going to be reading wilderness any less than I already was. so there. now be consoled.

And no sitar drums guitar banjo. the music's pretty incidental. (to me anyway)

yea, I'm not gonna let you have fun with this :D

chandni said...

yikes. reading that one scared me enough to wonder if I should leave a comment ;)

Nimpipi said...

Didn't realise I'd come off sounding that ferocious. Ghabrao mat, as a friend would say =)

Tys on Ice said...

now iam feeling honoured...iam read... ur honesty...i have seen tht in blogsphere its almost like u scratch my back and i will scratch urs...but all tht scratching has brought abt some gems....

do me a favour will ya? just nudge me when i come across jaded or like when iam performing....

hate to conform...even when its done without my own knowledge

Nimpipi said...

tys: arre you're nowhere near jaded man(seeeee, no back scratching:P) ; i just recommended your little piece of 'virtual real estate' to tam bram bum chum blogger starting out. long live you and i! *bottoms up!*

karthika said...

Nice story!.......

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