Friday, May 21, 2010

If you have an idea for a costume, yes please

I am invited to a Vegas-night theme party tomorrow hosted by a near-toothless lawyer. It's his birthday. He said keep yourself free a good month in advance. Back then I dismissed it saying, what's with so much notice, you aren't getting married, take it easy. He said the notice is for people like you (me) who seem to have all these other plans. All these other plans is clearly a jibe. I never have other plans.

What was the chicken doing in HANGOVER?
If you haven't see it, it's an overrated, slapstick, tiresome movie about 4 men in Vegas


Anyway, the reminders for his birthday party started coming in a fortnight ago. Birthday boy created a facebook group. Last week or so, he sent a message at one in the morning (!) instructing all to please check out the page of the event created next time you're online. I didn't respond.

In the next few days he sent me a text saying, you haven't responded. Duh. I said I'm off facebook -- which is true. I am. (Enough was enough etc etc, had it with networking but might come back still). So anyway, I hemmed and hawed and spoke some lies about the possibility of being out of town. He chased that up a few days later -- are you in town or not? Have you told your boyfriend or not? Yes, yes. Get off my back. So now I feel obliged to go, even though I don't really want to because they will all a bunch of lawyers who talk in a language I don't speak and I don't like having to smile politely and feel supercilious about being the only cool person there I know. Sigh. And I am not sure of this Vegas-night theme party anyway. Who in Delhi/ India abides by the theme, I want to know. There will always be one jerk at a fancy dress party who thinks its funny he came as himself.

So when I asked what do you mean, sequins, big hair, that sort of thig?, he said yep yep. So fine, I did a mental inventory of my wardrobe. Maybe I can wear the white boots I don't have with my orange puma shorts that could possibly look like hot pants.. but what if that looks more like beach wear... and so it goes.

Friends of friends who know the birthday lawyer tell me he's a slime. Except I already know he's a slime. I told him as much when he was pestering me a few months ago, as if we were 16, asking what do you think of me, what do you think of me. I think you're a slime. He seemed surprised. Maybe he felt cheated because he had said inane nice things about me and I hadn't inaned nice thinged him back. Slime huh, why would you say that? Umm, because of your laugh, and because you want to get into my pants.

He took offence. I do not want to get into your pants! I said, that's alright, of course you do. Accept it. I don't mind. It'll never happen, but I'm always a little flattered. He got annoyed, vehement -- I do not want to get into your pants. There there, of course you do. You're a boy. I'm an attractive girl. Besides, why would you bother chatting me up online and check out my ass and ask how serious my relationship is if all you wanted was another somebody to talk to?

Oh also, just to make you more biased against him, he photo shopped a photo, separate photos of him and I, put them together and said something like this is what we would look like together. Vomit-inducing, but funny - the assumption.

So, bottom line, he's a slime and I don't mind, if he just accepted it. I know lots of assholes. Not all my friends are, lets say, virtuous. Sometimes I have soft spots for morons, but slimes are a bit new to me. Still I make margin for him, because he has non-slimy (but stupid) friends who don't seem to mind being around him. I've seen him with his family. They seem like a regular lot. He shares smokes with mommy -- that's still cool in these parts. And he seems possessive of his oddball older sister. Oh and the dog is treated like royalty. Slimy with a heart. Ew.

And now I might have to go to his party dressed like a blingy show piece! Anyone have a more imaginative excuse than cough cough, hey, sorry, can't make it, I'm spitting blood?

Maybe I should just suck it up, pull out the sequins, gift bag a wine bottle, instruct the boyfriend to put on a cowboy hat and say let's just go. After all, how bad can it be?

12 comments:

The Soul of Alec Smart said...

Yeah, just bring on the bling and go! If the said friend lives up to his reputation (the photoshopping thing makes him a slime + stark raving nuts?), it'll make for another post.

And FINALLY someone who thinks Hangover's an overrated movie that isn't all that aching-sides-funny. Hi again!

Pringle Man said...

You know, I am a creep magnet. It's true. And they have somehow never hesitated to do creepy things like show up at my door, put roses in my school bag and write suicide notes to me. I am still paying my karmic dues for that, hence unrequited love for me.

You should be like Jim in The Office. Wear a sticker that says "Neha/Preeti" The Delhi Girl. Just wear kajal. Or write book on your face and go as facebook. Or take your bf and make out with him shamelessly. Haha.

Oh or you already have the haircut, so wear black and go as Joan Jett.

That picture crop thing is rather creepy though. Did he make it his profile picture? Hahaha.

Rohan said...

Since Facebook just got a whole lot more fun after changing my language settings to "English (Pirate)" (apparently, it's been around for two years and I've just discovered it - for shame!), may I recommend a pirate costume? I don't know what a Vegas theme is, but if the Church of the FSM should have a Vegas branch, pirate costumes would qualify.

The Bald Guy said...

Just go. It might be fun. You never know. He is a lawyer after all. Heh.

Costume ideas? Hmmm... Beige summer shorts and a tee. Who's gonna look at you anyways?

The boyfriend has already seen you like a million times, and the other people would probably be too drunk to remember their own clothes the next morning.

So there.

Go.

Have fun.

Perakath said...

Hmm. I never knew.

On the other hand, you do sometimes meet half-decent types at these things. Pata nahi sakta!

The Unbearable Banishment said...

Smiling politely at lawyers is the first step down the slippery slope of middle-age. Take it from me.

Have you ever been to Vegas? The reality is nothing like its image. It’s a pretty sad place. Instead of beautiful, young people in tight clothing, it’s a lot of horrendously overweight Americans queuing up for the buffet. But I do go every few years. It makes me feel better about my lot in life by comparison.

What did Perakath say to you at the end of her post? English, please. I'm too lazy to Google Translate it this morning.

Perakath said...

*smiling politely*
I said (in essence): "You never know."

Nimpipi said...

Soul of Alec Smart: Hey:), hi again to you too. Hangover was really bad. But do you think we're just snobs who prefer wry to slapstick?

About the bling, I don't have a very shiny wardrobe! I think I might have to borrow clothes, even if it for the party of the slime + raving lunatic, heh, yes.

Psst: You know, I think he reads my blog. Ha ha! What fun!:D

Pringle : Not profile picture ya, that would be a bit much, no?:) He didn't upload it on Fb actually. Slime under wraps! And tell me, HOW can I wear ONLY kajal and go? I googled this Joan Jett person, but It's Vegas-night, babe, not some party in kingdom of goths. Give better ideas!

P.S: Unrequited love is not so bad yet. Look at me sound like a hag: but you ARE a spring chicken, give it time, dear child. ;P

Rohan: You think? I should make my grand entry wearing a patch-eye and swinging a bottle of old monk rum? Hmm... at least no kajal.

Bald G: thwack for the who's going to look at you anyway! Although if I go I might just end up doing this beige shorts thing. Watch this space.

Pera: You're too optimistic. I'm not going to meet anyone exciting. I know it in my bones. About the other thing, don't worry I'm just going to correct the confusion about your gender, but haha..

UB: Middle aged? Shock! Horror! I am young still. (Don't let my 3,500 grey hair fool you). Naah, never been to Vegas. Thanks for that reality check, though. Sounds awful. I'd like to visit Vermont, see leaves change colour, that sort of thing. We don't have an autumn here, you know.

What Perakath said means absolutely nothing. It is though a mutilation of a phrase he explains himself. Also, um, he is a boy. :) He is also a lawyer who can't speak or type very good Hindi. Somewhat ironic them is the name of his blog: Saale Behenchod, Hindi for mother, no, sorry, sister fucker.

Yea, well.

Parul said...

I have no idea what one is expected to wear to such an..ahem...event but I didn't get what the hell was so funny about Hangover either.

Perakath said...

It must have been my macho, butch profile pikchur.

The Bald Guy said...

What? You weren't born yesterday were you? No one would look at you, trust me.

You will not reach the party at the time told you to reach there anyways.

But of course, you'd go like an hour later or maybe even later.

By that time, everyone would be drunk already.

Which is the safe time of going to the party.

Walk in, show the host your face, drink some water, walk back to your car and ask directions to the nearest Pizza Hut.

Now tell me?

The Mystic said...

Do u get into trouble often? Do u need a lawyer once a month to get u out of jail? if no? then y even bother goin?? and if u do go wear "I'm with loser tee" and pose with him in all the pics... or u cud light a ciggy near the fire alarm :D