Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Hurray for illiteracy!

Yea okay, I got a little carried away. When you scroll down, you'll get what I mean. But something needed to be done. So I sent the morons a mail. They don't care. It's been two weeks. Nobody has replied.

I even told them my English was good. Read that again. I PIMPED MYSELF! I mean come on, can't they tell I'm upset and willing to help?!

Worst part, I went back to the store yesterday and ugh, my god, the English, the typos, the gibberish! The salesgirl don't care. All the while I was picking up bottles and reading the labels aloud to my friend, Ruch, in a just LOOK at this manner, they -- all three of them -- had this conspiratorial vibe going, like what is this bitch's problem? Cows! I'll tell you my problem! I emailed you my problem, your employers didn't reply, that's my problem! @#$#$%%$

Sum total of woes addressed to three cow salesgirls at Khadi: why don't you just make me drink petrol so I can pass on to a more grammatically sound environment where people respond to concerned customers who are just trying to be nice?!

Anyway. So here's the mail.

Ahem.

Dusts imaginary crumbs off a victorian printed skirt. Sits cross legged, like in a convent, with hands where you can see them and back straight.

~

Dear customer service/ Manav Sewa Smiti Khanjarpur/ Khadi gramudyog,

My name is Sorry, I had to cut this out and I am a journalist with Sorry, I had to cut this out too. This email will surprise you, but bear with me.

I write to you because I sometimes buy Khadi products -- for my personal use, nothing to do with the newspaper.

Of late, I have noticed that the grammar and spelling on your labels is shocking. I recently bought a haldi chandan soap and rosewater and I have attached a photo each of these products so you can see for yourself. The spellings are wrong. The sentences make no sense. You confuse leather with lather. The label on your rosewater products ends with, "mind it (!), rose water is an excellent aftershave lotion".

In my opinion, you're making fool of yourselves and somebody had to tell you.

I am willing to offer my services. I work in a newspaper. My English is good. I know my spellings. I care for your product. It irks me a great deal that you people are not bothered about the impression your labels put across. To this end, I will be glad to run a spell check on these labels and sort out your English.

Please let me know who I can speak to for my proposal. It's for your own good.

Sincerely yours,
Prudent Strike Outer
Designation

Office address

~
Click on the picture. You have to read this

"Smoothness and soft feeling":
To produce leather (and embarrassment), read below


Q.E.D, I say. Q.E.D.

7 comments:

Perakath said...

Is govermint of India product, that's why. Guvvermint of India using a Yahoo email account.

Perakath said...

(But at least it was Yahoo India.)

Also, you ass, I emailed YOU a while ago and you didn't reply. John 8:7.

The Mystic said...

smoothness and soft feeling!!! lolzz...

The Bald Guy said...

Bwahahahahahahahahahaha!

P.S. Rose water is a good after shave for sure.

The Unbearable Banishment said...

That's all fine and good but does the product work? Eh? That's the rub.

A great way to pass the time in New York City is to head to Chinatown for some delicious steamed dumplings. The food is half the fun. The other half is seeing who can spot the most grammatical and typographical errors in the signage and menus.

Nimpipi said...

Per: Oh dear god! I am not without sin, am I? Go on, throw stones at me. (I looked up John 8:7:))

I didn't reply to your mail because I thought it was a forward from your reader, alright! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, yes yes, I'm free that weekend, I don't see why not. I'll reply properly.

Mystic: it got me, too:)

Bald: Did you know have roses for your profile pic?

UB: It's a great, cheap product! I love it. It's very popular and I don't know why no one has done something about it so far!

I'm booking my tickets to Chinatown and throwing myself at the feet of whichever dumpling-making China man I find and sorting out the grammar. Typos I can deal with. Typos are unintentional. Typos are made by absent minded people such as myself. I once sorted out an entire menu in Jaipur with the permission of the restaruant manager. Such great food! Such hot-hot paranthas! Such bad English. My heart bleeds, I tell you. It bleeds!

Soulmate said...

this is hilarious... I just could not stop laughing specially after reading the label on Rose Water bottle... :-)