Wednesday, February 23, 2011

If you're happy and you know it and you really want to show it, if you're happy and you know it... hit PUBLISH?

I'm so happy today, I could take Govinda out for coffee!

I don't know why my happiness analogies often have to do with taking some outrageous person on a date but it's possible I think outrageous = funny, funny = happy.

Or, forget coffee, I suppose I could go cycling with him. After all, health is wealth, never mind the stealth.

I'm also totally chuffed and looking forward to to wearing a sari tonight. It's been months! And if I wear a sari today I will be EVEN happier! Such is my conviction. I want to splash in a pool and fling frogs on the face of some nervous type who's just learned how to swim. Paddle paddle with a floating tube and paccchik! Croaker in your face! That's how happy I am - to be evoking Nanette the gorgeous leap frog in Gnomeo and Juliet. Evil happy. Lily pond happy. Photo caption to read amphibians and self circa 2011 happy. Then go to jail because PETA don't like me happy.

The sari doesn't really have anything to do with happy. But happy happy + sexy sari = unbeaten allure. And then they pay you compliments which is happier still. Compliments because there is this wedding thing I have to go for in the evening to which I'm wearing that lovely sleeveless green and gold brocade blouse. I think it's the Sangeet --- music, dancing, alcohol, people who've seen me as a baby -- what's not to look forward to?

Rajiv is getting married. You don't know Rajiv. But Rajiv always reminded me of Joylon Wagg in Tintin. Remember him -- the salesmen who comes to Marlinspike Hall in The Seven Crystal Balls and drives everyone mad?

Once upon a time, I was supposed to marry Rajiv. Our parents would have been happy. I can hear the voices in my head:

He's an investment banker in London, marry him!

He's not my type!
Then how do you explain BEEP-BEEP?
That was an ABERRATION, not a mistake!

Yea well, you're going to die an old maid.


The end

So, anyway. I'm not marrying Rajiv, because, you know, it's too late now and even when it wasn't, our energy levels were mismatched. He's too... enthusiastic. His life is brimming with exclamations and he's great fun for five minutes and I HAVE always loved his name and if he were a different man, in the way if a washing machine were a toaster, or Jolyon Wagg was Captain Haddock, I'd marry the barnacle.

For now, I'm just happy to go to his wedding and be exhausted in the twelve seconds it'll take to say, Hiii!! Muah, muah! Congratulations! You look sooo good! Ha Ha, no, I don't want to dance, I'm going to the bar... no.. no..noo...Rajiv, stop, halp!

Ladies and gentleman, the magic of a sari.


The Unbearable Banishment said...

I was at an Indian wedding last year and someone told me that her sari was held together with pins. I asked her if they'd all pop out if she sneezed. The whole thing would unwrap like a birthday present! Can you imagine?!

Perakath said...

Hehe like Alec Baldwin's character in Frends!

The.Mystic said...

Happy drinking and making merry! Dance on "Main toh aiwein aiwein loot gaya"!

spbroad said...

Heh! This one made me smile all through...
Ah! Only if I can explain to my folks why a particular dude isn't my "type" now...

Nimpipi said...

TUB: I never pin my sari. You know why? because I'm too cocky for my own good. And then yesterday, do you know what happened? After chatting all that shit about saris and yaay and woo hoo happiness is me: Unwrapped like a birthday present indeed. Pop. I needed, you know what? A pin:'(

Perakath: LIVE in action. He jumped, he chatted, he was a boundless reservoir of really annoying energy on his WEDDING! Most entertaining though:)

The Mystic: No dance but ainwe ainwe ainwe loot gaya is right. See sari explanation. Blush blush.

spbroad: Yellow! Glad at least soemone smiled. I had a friend call me up to say hai hai what rubbish are you writing?! And there are 5 Phhhrbhts under the post. jeez, my angry reader babies.

The explaining to your folks why someone isn't your type: I think I know what you mean. Unsolicited advice: stick your ground. You don't want to be paired off with some jackanape.