Tuesday, November 29, 2011

I do - one for the files and two for the road

Last week a friend, an otherwise perfectly able speaker of English, asked me, in a never-mind-the-pissing-off context, if I was "receptive to dialogue".

Yesterday, this interior designer chick threw prima facie at me.

Today, at a health food talk, a dietitian, sorry, wellness specialist, used "at the end of the mind". Twice. Is it even a phrase? She reminded me of one Preeti Sharma, classmate from class 5, who used to say, instead of lungs, "at the top of her volume". (I happily parroted this non-figure of speech at home, to my father, who was much taller than me at the time, and he, poor guy, had an expression that went something like "huh? whaa??")

Is it only me or are "more and more" people taking pride in sounding "less and less" normal?

Last week, I pulled off a concept I'm still big on: social experiments. I went to meet a boy. To marry. If I wanted. No pressure. Arranged marriages for the personality-less. Hawk the chick.

Yes. I did this. I said ok, I will meet him. My parents aren't paranoid. They're, shall we say, 'concerned'. You know how it is.

It was one of those what's-the-harm-in-checking-him-out kind of meets. It didn't depress me. Not then. I wore no earrings. No make up. Ok, slight mascara.

There was nothing wrong with, "my husband". Except for how lonely he seemed. And dull. And unanimated. But he was jetlagged. Benefit given, margin made. Had a thing for planes. A passion, really. You may now quiz me on Boeings versus airbuses. He said "maess", not mass. Said freeway, not highway. I didn't mind the Americanisms.

Oh, and, Katrina Kaif over Mila Kunis. Entourage over Lost. Said, so you like writing? Said, new years isn't a big deal for him. But then he displayed his isolation to me by saying he's spent a lot of his new years on board a plane, when returning to college in the states. As if the crew serving you sad little flutes of champagne is any reason to be cheered.

Again, there was nothing wrong with him. Sorry, with "my husband". He was a looker. 31. Tall. Spoke well. "Cultured", my mother said.  Pulled chair for me. Courteous. Virgo, even. No sarcasm. I liked that. But I felt nothing. My friends told me: yea, obviously, man! Who in the first go feels anything? Meet him again. Yes, I might. If he calls. The thing is, I wasn't at all, even the slightest bit, thrown off. I need to be thrown off. Catch me off guard. If I can look into your nice, brown eyes and hold that gaze, I'm too confident. You need to be able to throw me off! Please? It gets tiring being the smart ass. Will it kill you to play a sideways game? To be foolish but back that with humble smarts? To know me? To guess me? To be a little playful? To flow by instinct? To vouch not so strongly for Coldplay? To be with me on the same page? To acknowledge that whatever we're doing -- this, this, sitting down, conversing, getting to KNOW each other through our parents, for god's sake -- is altogether irrelevant because it's so very surface?

What I'm scoring you on has nothing to do with your CK socks. It's never a question of making me laugh. I can do that myself. I have my people who can do that to me. But make me feel cheesy. Put a smile on my face. Not a sympathetic little upturn. Or a smirk. A smile! Then we'll talk. If you don't do that to me, you erode hope. That's depressing. Then it's bu-bye open mind. Hello wistful sighs. I become stiff. Sulky. Acerbic. I become I don't want to do this, fuck off, this can't be my story, I'm too me, still young, as yet only 27, still optimistic, still foolish, more protective of myself, and compared to a year, even 6 months ago, with a dollop more certainty of who I want and what I don't care about.


Sugar said...

heheh :) made me smile. I did it as well. Arranged marriage. Very long ago. More than two yrs, and have a baby as well :)
Meeting many prospectives really gave me perspective. Atleast comparitives.
Good luck!

The Unbearable Banishment said...

You expect far too much for the first time around the track. My goodness! Who could do all you require within the first few hours?! No pressure, indeed.

Nitika said...

Haha. My mom spoke to me today. About getting married AGAIN. Imagine. She's started scouting matrimonial adverts.

I don't know what to say. Helps that I don't stay in Chandi with them. I'd go mad otherwise.

I use Prima Facie quite often. I am after all a lawyer. Did I ever tell you that? That I'm a Lawyer? One of the fraud ones who doesn't practice :)

You don't blog often anymore. Work keeping you busy?

NdeL said...

HA! I don't see much hope of you ending up with him. (I hope the best for you though!)
The initial bit about stupid English reminds me of how Malaika Arora Khan used to say "two of you all" on some dance reality show. You know that feeling you get when you hear someone scratching their nails on a smooth surface? That's how it used to make me feel. Eurgh :/

Anonymous said...

I like that, "I met someone today to marry."

too much pressure! not for me...

but I have been surprised by how many people I know have gone through this and come out surprisingly well.

so what do I know?

- k

Nimpipi said...

Sugar: Did meeting the first prospective not depress the shit out of you? I mean, I'm happy for you that it turned out beautifully.. but. ok nevermind. (At least don't call two years 'very long ago', ok?!:D) Two years ago I thought i was sorted. :P

UB: Heh. Yea. And this is when I thought I was making margin for his jet lag, and being charitable. Still, I don't require anything more than to FEEL, ok?! Stop making me sound like some impossible to please cow!

Nitika: Why would your mum want you to rush in again? Old people are crazy! Than god you live away! I can imagine the plight otherwise. :D We need a way to block them out, these nuisance relatives.

Prima Facie for you even non-practising lawyers is fine.:) For every one else, not!

I don't blog often.. well, work is okay, sure.. but I think I've become a bit chicken.. what to put out there, worry about who i know will read. it's sad. i traded a spine for a bed pan or something.

NdeL: 'Two of you all' and 'all of you all' is a very Maharashtrian thing. i'd always find THAT somewhat cute. :) Malaika arora otherwise: eeurgh nails is right.

K: Tickmark event, ok? Dry run. Experiment. I'm glad people survive this and emerge happy, but we're not taking this seriously! I'm still cool, ok?:D

Miss.Mystic said...

Ohh nice you're doing the marriage rounds, look out for my bro, if u meet him run away... :P Anyhoo, Happy Huntin' Maite. I too can invent a new way of talking in English. * feels proud *

Anonymous said...

ha ha sure, made for a blog post at least.

it's funny how we equate arranged marriages with not being cool.

- k

Sucheta said...

Aw, you!

You make me come to this blog of yours "again and again" for "more and more" of your "super-awesome-stuff."

LOVED loved LOVED how well you've said what you want in "the husband". All of us do. Most of us make our peace with the cK socks and the amreekan degrees. You go, girl!

Nimpipi said...

Myst: On a limb - your brother's as well off without me as I am without him. In-un-available. There! Another made up word.

K: We do na? Rather, I do na? It's not a question of being cool. I guess I feel sad that 'arranged' robs the whole deal off something more fluid, organic, all that. But then I sometimes I live in a dream world. And come to think of it, isn't family planning just as arranged..? Sigh.. not the same thing, but full stop. We aren't depressing me about this anymore! :)

Sucheta: Thank you, darlin'. Kindness!

Perakath said...

Great phrase, 'hawk the chick'. Three connotations at once: Hunting, selling... and harking.

The Unbearable Banishment said...

You are not a cow.

Anonymous said...

ah come on now, what's there to be depressed about?

Ultimately you get to choose, just like in any other "arranged" meeting - and most meetings between couples are arranged in some degree.You don't just meet someone and say, come lets live happily ever after.

It's only depressing if you allow the choice to be taken out of your hand, but that does not seem like it is happening, so cheer up girl.

- k

Anonymous said...

you know something else, I've often been told I am too idealistic etc

Well, whatever, that advice isn't working you know. If they take the fun out of this life, I'll leave, like Keith Richards said.

the real world is sucky enough, why let go of your dream one?

- k

Nimpipi said...

Pera! :)) look at me huh, all growed up and vulnerable :D

UB: Repeating after you: I am...

K: You make sense. I like the sense you make. All cheered now. And you're quoting Keify!! :))

Sanchari said...

Sorry for being MIA. I just moved to India for 4 months and have been trying to get used to the air/water/people.. by which I mean, I have been sick thrice.

On another note, I get this! I so get you on this post! Because I met someone who threw me off. And now, I can't stop listening to cheesy love songs.