Tuesday, March 06, 2012

I want out..

... of journalism.

It's one of those days. I have no idea what else I'd do though. If my job didn't involve writing, what would it involve? I think I might be a rag picker. But then I'd have to hang with other rag pickers. That's no fun. Or it could be. Must keep an open mind. I like hanging with the journos I hang with. But some of the ones I work with -- man, they're so driven, but so mediocre, it's scary. Me, I'm so 27 and so purposeless, it's scarier.

I can feel a crisis come on, hit as I am by a sense of 'frothy existentialism'. Heh. That's what a just-landed friend of mine and I have decided to dedicate our coffee conversations to, this week. Frothy existentialism.

Damn.

Don't you ever feel like what you're doing is the most pitiful thing in the world? Unrewarding, unsatisfying and boring. When it comes to reporting, I feel like that. I feel I'm made to be brilliant at something but who the hell knows what that something is. Essentially, I feel right now that what I'm doing, besides making a hash out of my life, is not really.. eeks, i hate saying this, but ..'making a difference'. To mine. Or anybody elses. It's kind of a selfish life, if you think about it. And the more you think about it the more  competent you realise you are. But if you were that competent wouldn't a calling be making goo goo eyes at you and being all the way effortlessly beckoning?

7 comments:

Hooney Macarooney said...

I don't know how you can say all this and run off. You've made a difference to my life. And you ARE such a big part of it. If you're having such existential angst, what you really need is a Hodka and two slaps

Nimpipi said...

I haven't run off anywhere, Least of all from your life, fool. Just sick of these damn election result analysis. Went for a walk "to clear my head ":)

Hodka is being missed. Two slaps don't help. But together, it's such a great name -- for a book or a short story or a blog or whatever. One tight hodka and two tight slaps. Lolz, I say.

Miss.Mystic said...

Thank god elections are over, no aliens kidnapping cows even, cheer up, chin up and get back to what you do best. :)
Tried Tequila for moral support? If not I recommend 5 shots before dinner.

I missed ya! :(

Anonymous said...

camus said that a man's life can be understood as the search for those two or three great images that first captured his heart

he didn't say how one would understand a woman's life

- k

Han said...

Perhaps you should write a book about journalism! Or about Delhi... about anything really. That can seem self-absorbed too, but if you really put something of yourself into it, it will connect with people and suddenly you'll be "making a difference". It'll be like the first time you received a positive blog comment from a stranger.

Remember those days?

Nimpipi said...

Myst: sweet you are. your near adulation intimidates me:)

K: all these bumper sticker aphorisms! hai hai. poor camus.

han: OMG! :D Hello hello! Of course I remember THOSE days! You were the most positive commentor who made a difference! And then you went SO silent I almost believed you weren't anywhere anymore!

I'm just happy you showed up, so I will nod along willingly to whatever you said. (I do know what you said made sense, but I'm going to mull it over for a while) It's good to see the egg :)

Han said...

I've been keeping up on google reader. But otherwise I guess I have been somewhat quiet! Dabbling in science-ish blogging (I also wrote an article for Down to Earth magazine! Random.) I intend to pick that sort of thing up again soon. But we all know how intentions work...

My great fear is that if I take up "general" blogging again I'll end up repeating ideas and rants I've already said in 2006!

But do stick with writing!