Thursday, January 15, 2009

Hoarse black crabby tears

Lets start backwards. My throat is fucked. I sound like a crow. I refuse to kiss my boyfriend. And my father sent me a text saying the fastest remedy to a sore throat is to gargle with apple cider vinegar. I sent him a thank you pa in turn, ( with smiley face), added the, where on earth ( I called it office) am I going to get hold of bloody apple cider vinegar. He says, yes. that did "X" my mind. Don't know whether to cry or cough.

Meanwhile today's my mother's birthday, yesterday was my best friend's birthday, and ten days from now, it's my boyfriend's birthday. Status updates on all three presents = disaster. Got mommy a watch. I thought it was a lovely watch, but in we have to exchange it for something more "dainty" i.e one with a smaller dial. Really, so much for not being able to tell the hour without your glasses! People should just be handed cash and told to go ahead and yourself something nice.

Speaking of which, I got a thousand bucks on Sunday from daddy dearest -- "for new years lunch". Lunch be damned, my stomach was full, so bought a couple of books instead: Kingsley Amis- Lucky Jim, Nadine Gordimer- Beethoven was One Sixteenth Black, more magic realism so Ben Okri, Famished Road. It'll probably take me three years to plough through all, but like we were talking yesterday, On Beauty was such a lovely read, makes you want to pick up more such. And by reading sci fi, I believe I am reformed. Also, Muriel Spark affirms lit rebirth. The magazines will now wait, ditto television. I should hunt down Mayank Austen Soofi and swap notes.

By way of other exciting developments: I bought silver "lifestyle" shoes. Never would I have imagined. But you try resisting the sales at Nike and Reebok and Addidas -- which is where I succumbed. You'd think presents wouldn't be such an issue with these sales galore, but I've still got two pending> the girl and the boy.

The girl, who I'm not sure why I'm calling that, but she is my best friend, and she is arriving in Delhi tomorrow. I haven't seen in her in a year -- after Bombay. And from my point of view, I refuse to take antibiotics for my throat because then I won't be able to have the TGIF drink with her -- beer is the norm -- and we shan't be able to discuss in all intoxicated seriousness whose hair is looking better. Can't allow that. Can't get over her ingenuity either: coming for a work trip to Delhi, she's not staying at the hotel where the team is put up because she's staying home with me. From her people in office though, she's demanded to be upgraded to a better airline, reasoning that the company's saving money by not footing her boarding and lodging! And they've agreed because it makes sense! What can I say, I think of myself as street smart too, but this had me hugely impressed!

But back to presents, and for the spoilt but clever princess who's perfectly okay dishing out a thousand bucks for one obnoxiously fruity smelling TIGI shampoo, she makes a tough customer for a birthday present. Last time, I got her a fish bowl with a couple of fat goldfish that quickly died; of boredom or giddiness or being overfed and over looked after. Swam to their death in round round chukkers in that silly bowl that now holds a money plant. Anyway. Clothes are out, books are out, music is out, plants are out, fish is out, cosmetics she has, accessories too, in abundance.. aaargh!

And then they have to meet. They= my girl and my boy. And they have to take to each other. Like AE FISH TO WATER. They have to, they have to. I won't have it any other way. (And the both of you better be reading this and making that extra effort which seems like second nature, because I WILL BE HURT otherwise, you wretched difficult people!!)

long exhale

Next on the list is HIS birthday present. I wanted to get him a cactus year before last. I never got around to doing that because though I WANTED TO and it WAS the brief I gave my mother -- she was going to the nursery -- before I left my house his birthday morning, when I got back home that night before his party, to just pick up the porcupine, there were no ribbon wrapped cacti waiting for me at home, just some regular bloody plant. Imagine my shock at being told last minute that it apparently it's neither funny to be handing out a cactus nor does it look nice. And so I gave him the normal shrub which he promptly passed on to the maali, and I doubt he's ever seen that poor paudha again. Point is, there's a cactus pending but it's a dead-end sort of pending.

I don't suppose you have a wise ass suggestion for a temperamental musician, who at 24 -- I have to grudgingly give him -- happens to be more man than anyone in that age bracket, and very likely, beyond it. Again, discount music, discount clothes, forget erotic cufflinks, no lifetime "pone" subscriptions, no pen-shen rubbish, I refuse to venture into video game accessory area, and I can't cook. So there. Hand made card? Bleahhh. Cologne bleah, watch bleah, zilch kaput blank!! All I can really give him is a cold and bad throat, but that's probably getting off too cheap.


Perakath said...

I still stick by the Knife. Or Leatherman. Can get it engraved even.

Anonymous said...

music people tend to like music related stuff. i would go for poster/tshirt of fav musician.

or make a mix CD. those things hang around for years, giving constant pleasure and enjoyment until the two of you are bouncing grand children off your knees.

Nimpipi said...

both of you: phhhbt!! Does nobody have an imagination anymore?!

Han said...

Gargle with hot salt water! And I also heard that eating a clove of garlic helps.

As for about a nice coffee-table book (on music maybe)?

Anonymous said...

vials of blood?

ooh i know...a calendar with album covers as month images. that'd be cool. esp if you include the vials.

maybe you could blindfold him and take him to a place where they do male pedicures. or get a tattoo.

maybe all of the above - start with the blindfold pedicure, then go for tattos then give him the calendar then the vials saying "because music is now in your room, in your blood (which is now with me), on your skin

and i like clean feet"

that'd be the best gift ever! of course, now you will have to think of bigger and better next year. so maybe you can save the blood and the tattoo for next year. your choice.

chandni said...

how about star trek DVD collection?

or LOTR if he's in to it??

or if u want to go the cheesy way, a nice desk calender/ rubik's cube with 6 of your couple photos on it that they make in gurgaon?

I am just saying....

Mayank Austen Soofi said...

Just three books? Or was it four? How will you survive!

Nimpipi said...

HAN: GARLIC??! really?! Anyway I can't gargle without wanting to drink the water. Doesn't help. I'm all better now though. Long live ginger-honey concoctions!

Coffee table book, I don't know. I feel nobody READS them! Could stock up on them nonetheless for acquaintances I don't particularly care about (esp given the 70% off sales that abound in Delhi's bookshops!) but can't let that suffice for a fuss pot significant other, methinks.

ANON: ew to vials. Whats this about bloody calendar images?? won't even know how to go about that!

This pedicure thing I've been thinking about. A male spa maybe, but I can't see myself blindfolding him and dragging him through parking lots, being subject to oddball glances. No, i won't i won't *screams!*

Tattoo - never! Doesn't go with the persona. More importantly, it bothers me that when you get old and wrinkled, they look and hang hideously and loose their earlier appeal.

I love clean feet. I even identify with your borderline bizarre chain of thought, suggestion wise:) danke!

CHANDNI: Downloads every conceivable movie. Plus even if he hasn't -- considering I haven't really bothered to find out -- what if he gets hooked and starts watching with me around?? I'd be beyond bored AND kicking myself! not good.

I like the cheesy, actually! More for anniversary than burday type, but I might plague you for rubik's cube maker ke co-ordinates, theek?

SOOFI baby: I will survive. I have a life beyond na? (clothes, movies, food, and posing for your camera type time pass:) Plus, I picked up a couple more, but nothing literary and hard core enough for you to be proud of me :D

Mayank Austen Soofi said...

Help me get a lover. I'm lonely.

El said...

dude - you should blog more often, I is loving reading them.

get him a vinyl record. that shite never goes outta fashion.

Anonymous said...

the blood is separate from the calendar

manu said...

that is a twue! gpop once told me off for keeping cacti in me house! .. apparently bad vastu or karma or chakra or some shit or the other.. gifting one is even worse!

Nimpipi said...

MAS: *loud pucker sound* (am on it, right on top ;P)

El: thank you, babe. My ego is yours to safe keep. But vinyl, no. just NO.

Anon: as also the water

Manu: F U podi! @#$@#$@$#@