Wednesday, July 01, 2009

Rain, Shy and the Macdonald's prostitute

Shyness has a strange element of narcissism, a belief that how we look, how we perform, is truly important to other people.

-- Andre Dubus

A quote on the front page of The Times of India; “allegedly” India’s largest selling national daily.

Brilliant, I thought. And true. I didn't think of that. I googled Dubus and Wikipedia says his surname is pronounced “Duh-BYOOSE”, with the accent on the second syllable to rhyme with the noun “excuse.”

Turns out he was some super short story writer who was paranoid about the safety of his loved ones because his sister got raped as a kid. Also, later in life, he had a major car crash, in which his legs got amputated trying to save a motorist duo. His loss of mobility drew him closer to God. And his third wife subsequently left him.

And to think, just till this morning, I had no idea who Andre Dubus-like-excuse was! No more shyness for me, I say! Only open declarations of appreciation henceforth. Blushing be damned. Friday night, we dance on table tops!

Meanwhile, I love my office. I love it even more when I don't have to go in to work. Fabulous weather yesterday! Monsoon hit. The roads were flooded. Traffic crawled. We had to pee. Home was nowhere in sight. So we just drove into a hotel, parked, got out, and walked up to bespectacled receptionist and said, Um excuse me, where is the washroom?

By the time we got out, traffic had cleared. The sudden plan was as stroke of genius, I thought. My boyfriend is less generous with his compliments (possibly more shy). But I could tell; we were happy peeps, who suddenly were capable of talking about other stuff.

Then, on another note, we ran into the Macdonald’s prostitute again. This here is a different we. My friend Sancho (not her real name) and I, from work, along with our one-time-boss, went to get an afternoon drink at a bar. It was a new place for all three of us. We liked the look of it. The place that has fosters caps on kingfisher bottles. But that couldn't just have been the reason why we sat there for 4 hours in broad day light knocking back beer, vodka, beer, vodka...

By the time we got out of, we were in a fairly wings-a-flutter state. Buzz a doodle doo, can't stand straight, please help me, all that. In this condition, we run into our boss in the parking lot. If it were a normal corporate office, you’d probably say oh shiiite, but no such thing. Sancho and I were happy to see him. We grabbed the man by an arm each and insisted he come with us to Macdonald’s to lay eyes on the creature we had seen go in. This creature is the Macdonald’s prostitute.

Of course, I’m not being very correct. And of course just be a regular customer. But using our advanced powers of deduction, and judging by her consistent dress code -- we've seen her before -- you can just tell she's not there for a Big Mac only.

Who at fifty plus with sagging skin, bleached hair, kohled eyes and smeared mascara wears bright printed mini-skirts with sneakers, and walks with a hunch? She’s not a tennis player. Her reflexes are too slow. She’s not a mother of two who has to rush home to her husband, and elderly in-laws, because the man she was with was an alert, grey-haired crow who wears collars and knows exactly who’s looking at them. He has seen us ogle before. We’ve ogled before. But this was after the beer, vodka, beer vodka. We especially wanted to know what the deal was.

But apparently there is such a thing as not being sloshed enough. Or I was still shy. Because in spite of 4 hours of nonstop drinking, we didn’t have the balls to go up to her and say I beg your pardon, is this seat taken? Nor did we get the fries we’d gone in for. Our boss fled. She sat there. Pimp looked up. We doddered out. Bought gum, lingered, got sober and missed an adventure that could have made a terribly fun story. If you’re ever at the Macdonald’s in Connaught Place here in Dally; the one on Janpath, risk it. Go say hi.


bluespriite said...

I tell you, I missed the best things in Delhi. Drunk in the middle of the day! Sigh I have no such stories from journalism days.

Anonymous said...

I was there today, didn't catch her :(

Nimpipi said...

Blue: heh, it's true. Hammered on a weekday afternoon "at work" is a disease peculiar to your erstwhile profession:)

anon: persist, i say.

Hatikvah said...

Interesting post...

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

It is the same The same we ogled when we wren't drunk on a satday of friday afternoon at McD's.u me n shivani.she was weird..even by normal prostitute standards..

Rajiv said...

really avery very tough time for her.ALLLLAASSS

waise in rainy weather ,daru ka maza hi alag hai in a bar nd wth a cutie .hahahah but ab wo maze kahaan???
beer ke saath cigg na ho to maza hi kahaaaaaan:(

Brown Girls said...

Nimp, sweetheart, this old post of yours drove me to tears, oh:

“kajal, literature and backpacks…Jejune hip hop lyrics in carpools, and we as Fabindia's adopted children.”

“…bitter-smelling yellow fruit lying squashed underneath its parent Neem.”

And my favourite:

“Childhood existed elsewhere, in beautiful places with simpler memories. But Delhi lent itself to impress and cement personalities. And just maybe, the place that hosted me from mid-teenage to early adulthood is a slightly harder habit to kick.”

Goose-bumpy, sigh-inducing torrents of nostalgia.

Killed me, killed me, sniff.