Thursday, March 18, 2010

For the love of cheap puns: Insight, my foot

Revlon has a nail paint shade called Earthquake. I have earthquake on my toes. I badly wanted Earthquake on my toes to be the subject of this post, but I pulled back, concerned about how it would look on your feed reader and what you would think (of me, etc).

So, anyway, back to my feet. Pay attention. I don't have nice feet. They look like bhaturas, like, ‘dough flattened to be fried’, if you will. I have said this before. But in those blingy sandals, bought last Monday from Hide Out, right after that coffee oreo shake at the BIG Big Chill in Khan Market (because, digression: at the small Big Chill, my friend -- soon to start a cooking blog, watch this space -- has put into my head that for all you know they may not be using oreo-oreo cookies, instead passing off sunfeast biscuits as oreos)

Digression over. Where was I? Yes, right after that coffee oreo shake at the BIG Big Chill, and incidental cheesy food, my feet, even in their not-pedicured state, are a happy lot.

I felt this was important for you to know, so that we can really connect on a one to one vain level.

Later last week, I caved. I bought another, pinchingly more expensive pair. But when three of your male colleagues comment on their own (or with only marginal coaxing) on the newer-still pair, you know it's a good buy. "They'll go well with your Julia Roberts pants,” said one divine gentleman who sits two elbows from my work station. I love him. Thank you, sweet P, for being insightful, and a complete cut above the rest.

I was talking about this with my friend Y, over very bad cold coffee (not a patch on the coffee Oreo, sun feast or not). He’s gay, and that’s a stereotype – us, sitting, coffee, bitching, animated -- sure sure, but why, why can men not be more, there's no other word, insightful?! How difficult is it to be only a little brave and move away from the obvious?

This is my new thing: hating cliche of thought. Well maybe not new, but look how cool it sounds. Trite is bad. It's very bad. You may as well say take care before you put the phone down. I mean, I get it. Sometimes, 'take care' is a gap-filler. It has to be said. But every time, Take Care? YOU take care, asshole! I'll do what I want. Don't tell me to take care.

Please Sir, if this is coming across as a hormonal rant, know that this is not the time of the month. I just feel strongly about not taking care.

On the other hand, I quite like How Are You. It's polite. And has potential for a conversation to be built around it, providing, again, you be be honest and avoid, Fine, thank you, and you?

A compliment as run of the mill as 'Nice shoes, babe' is lame. I will still preen and say thanks ya, because saying even that much makes you sweet, but buck up, you slothful bags of testosterone. Say something that a girl likes to hear. Refer Sweet P’s Julia Roberts line. It's true. I have Julia Roberts pants. They're not hers. They're mine, named after her. And in them, I feel like a goddess on stilts.
I have to say,
the heel is my favourite part.
And also that at the time of the photograph,
there was no Earthquake on my toes, more like a beige Free Spirit

I texted my boyfriend after buying those stilts. Something like, can you please say something that will make me feel better about spending so much on this divine pair of shoes, which truth be told, is pinching me just a leeetle bit near my toes? I wait for a reply. It comes in one shrill beep – “can't think of anything”. Ladies and gentleman, for anyone who wanted the slightest insight into my love life, this is it.

This, by the way, is also what my boss and I were talking about over coffee and dosa yesterday. But that is for another time. Let this be the post about insight, and the important matter of footwear, ladies ka, size 39.


cathatfished said...

ha. i just spent a shit load of money myself on a STUNNING pair of deep pink pumps that i love :D shoes... sigh :))
(can you imagine me in 4 inch heels?? i'm turning into a girl!)

heh? ok said...

Love the shoes. Shoe makers make pretty shoes only for those who have narrow feet, which means that sometimes I find the perfect pair, only to try them on and have it look like i'm trying to squeeze toothpaste back into the tube.

As for comments, how about "Your feet look....ummm..vertical."?

Anonymous said...

I like "Take care". The omega to "How are you"'s alpha. Politely signals an end to a conversation way past its sell-by date - when the subject of the day is shoes and you'd rather watch paint dry; or when Kimi Raikkonen is about to start a lap of Spa, and you have 30 seconds to end the call gracefully.

You have a great blog, BTW! :)

Nimpipi said...

Cat: I want to see a picture. Email.

heh? ok: Off beat name. From my vertical, sitting-on-chair posture, thank you for stopping by:)

Rohan: Haha! Trust a guy to drag in Raikkonen and breeze past the shoe-bits. As I said to H?O, thank you for stopping by. But I say that partly because I want to humour you and I both in ending with: take care. :P

Anonymous said...

Yes, but that had insight. And you wanted insight. You see, men don't care about shoes. We don't even look that far down when we meet a girl... well, unless... never mind. And the only time we talk of shoes is in guys-only gatherings where we mock women and their piles of shoes. Or when we step on something vile. In the natural course of things, shoes are as far from our minds as Halley's Comet was from the sun in the year whenever. Where do we get the insight to dispense, then?

Trust me. Or you can ask your boyfriend, if you have one of those honest relationships I keep hearing about.

Now, on the subject of Raikkonen and why he is 10 times better than that more famous German taxi driver, we could give you insight. With top class analysis, subtle humour and everything.

Pip pip. :P

Anil P said...
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Anonymous said...

maybe NOW I get women and shoes. Thank you for this. Most enlightening way to spend a Sunday evening.

The Mystic said...
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The Mystic said...

pretty shoes! :)

The Mystic said...
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The Mystic said...
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The Mystic said...

sorry 4 so many comms ... google chrome went berserk

First Rain said...

Earthquake on my toes
One on one vanity woes,
Take care? Who!?!
Tough luck mate.
Though the shoes do,
look great.

Anonymous said...

your second biggest toe is bigger than your "thumb" toe, this means you're a bully

Serendipity said...

LOL!! this was a good fun read!! :)

Soulmate said...

I love those shoes... one of the smartest pair, I have seen in a long time.. the color, shape, design, cut, the heel - just perfect... Wish I could have them..