Tuesday, June 08, 2010

For the love of bizarre hypotheticals

I got tagged. I love tags! Thank you, The Unbearable Banishment. It's been a pleasure doing business with you. I now get down to answering your ten questions.


1. George Bush. Lindsay Lohan. Dick Cheney. You have to sleep with one, marry one and kill one.

A vague recollection of not-nice news reports on him apart -- and other than that he wears glasses -- I know little about Dick Cheney. Out of ignorance, I have to kill him.

Bye bye, Dick!

George Bush -- he was in town once and people from my office who met him thought he was funny and not at all dumb because it takes intelligence to crack jokes about yourself. I could marry him. Also, he's so much older, likely to die before me, and since I've been reading articles about how life begins after 50 for women, I could join that club.

I, take thee, George...

And if I slept with Li-Lo, I'd have a doubly rich past. And at least 8 boys I know would be oooh! oooh! DYING to know what she's like in bed and if that bracelet is for real. I kill Dick, I marry George, I sleep with Lindsay. Next.

F*ck you, Lindsay

2. Would you prefer a comfortable relationship that was passionless or a torrid affair that’s riddled with angst and uncertainty?

I need my peace of mind. No torrid affair. Comfortable is good.

3. What is your drink of choice?

Vodka soda with a green chilli and lemon twist apart, chhas, aam panna, nimbu paani -- lemonade, green tea and cold coffee.

Which reminds me, yesterday, I drank a pomegranate mint mojito at Barista on which you could save Rs 75 by not ordering.

4. Would you rather work an interesting job that was low-paying and be under constant financial duress, or have a comfortable lifestyle with a job that wasn’t very satisfying (but not a nightmare)?

Comfy lifestyle with a job that wasn't very satisfying but not a nightmare. Any other answer would be a lie. Constant financial duress, no.

5. You are boarding a plane tomorrow morning. Where are you going?

To Bombay. To my friend, B. To play the apologetic friend for ditching her. I cancelled our Europe trip. I must make it up to her. Spend time. Make Amby Valley the trade off for Barcelona.

6. What was the last piece of music you purchased?

An Alanis Morissette cassette back in school -- Under Rug Swept.

I don't buy music. Even the music that gets burned for me, and is on my ipod, just lies. I need to listen to the awful radio jockeys on my way to work so I can feel superior.

7. If a book isn't working for you, do you hang on hoping for redemption or bail out?

I used to hang on. I'm less patient now.

8. Is it easy for you to admit when you're wrong? Let's be honest here.

Heh. No. I'm wrong a lot. In my head I know when I am, but I have the streak of a mule.

9. Do you think fame is a useful tool or more trouble than it's worth? If it came knocking on your door, would you open it?

I'm too lazy to be famous for anything. Although for one afternoon, I could be a celebrity. I'd like to see myself dressed down, wearing shades, shunning the paparazzi, doing a Julia Roberts; sheepishly coming out of Hugh Grant's apartment in Notting Hill. Other than which, opening the door is not for me. No, really!

Spike remembers me

10. Fill in the blank. I wish my parents had not __________.

waited so long to have my brother and I? At this rate, they'll be 80 before they see their first grand kid.
~

My ten

1. What one material thing are you hoping/ scoping to inherit?

2.
You're driving. It's great weather. Attractive member of opposite sex in expensive car looks at you and half-smiles. You're in a relationship. Do you return the look and half-smile back?

3.
Can't smell or can't taste? For six months, and if you had to chose, would you rather lose your sense of smell or not be able to taste anything?

4.
Pick a situation

a. You're 42. Would you rather go without sex for three years and win a lottery after that, enabling you to never have to work again? Or
b. Get twice the lottery money now (at 42) but have your partner sleep with your boss?

5. What's a quicker turn off, bad pronunciation or maroon lipstick?

6.
Would you rather your kid turn out to be a nymphomaniac or gay?
(For my amusement, please answer in the format: I would rather my kid be ---)

7. For which one thing have you not forgiven your mother?

8.
Would you rather go bald or lose your front tooth?

9.
Your sibling is sleeping with your married close friend. Who do you go to first, sibling or married close friend?

10. When was the last time you cried that wasn't while watching a movie?


Go on now, you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, so help you God.

No one's stopping you from comment-answering, even though I tag just

The Age of Aquarius

The Rest is Silence

The Truth About Nobody

Mumbai Diva

Schizophrenicsalad

The Mystic

and

The Bald Guy

Here's what you do: Copy paste these questions, answer them, in turn make up yours and pass on the tag.

9 comments:

adarkcomedycalledlife said...

Since I lurrved this tag, I'll comment answer:

1. A pink leheriya dupatta from the mater. I have no idea why it has to be so difficult. But she refuses to part with it.

2. Always smile back. Hey, you never know!

3. Will choose loss of olfactory senses anyday. I live in Bombay. Hence, it is a win-win.

4. Option a, I think.

5. Bad pronunciation makes me switch off like not much else. I can make way for nursing quirks like maroon lipstick though.

6. I would rather my kid be gay.

7. Oh, so many things. Well, a random pick would be getting me face-sized glasses in 8th std. Whyyyyyy?

8. Baldness, no. Toothless, can live with.

9. Sibling. I doubt my imagined closeness with the married close friend.

10. 1st June, 2010 11 pm. Post-fight blues.

The Unbearable Banishment said...

1. I WAS hoping to score a rare book from a friend but last month he sold it. It caused much heartbreak for me.

2. Oh, Lord, of COURSE I do! I am a world-class flirt. Always have been. Always will be.

3. But they’re interlocked, aren’t they? How can you taste anything you can’t smell. As I spend most of my walking hours in New York City, I will surrender my sense of smell and not miss it. Especially since summer has started.

4a. I couldn’t get past my partner sleeping with my boss. I can wait the three years. It’s not such a big deal to me.

5. Actually, I don’t like kissing a girl when she has ANY lipstick on. It’s never my shade.

6. I would rather my kid be gay. You say it like there’s something wrong with being gay. You’re equating being gay with a psychosis that can harm you. Please check yourself.

7. If you are the type of person who cannot forgive, I’d say you have a much bigger problem than what mommy did to you.

8. They make pretty good dental implants. Wigs always look like wigs. Especially on a man. Take the tooth.

9. What do you mean? To get some?

10. My daughters always make me tear-up. I didn’t even cry at my mom’s funeral. Imagine that.

Here In Franklin said...

Despite the fact that I'm twice as old as you and live on the other side of the world, our answers have a remarkable similarity.

Nimpipi said...

Dark C: A pink leheriya dupatta for inheritance, really? Unless the dupatta is LOADED with sentiment, don't you think you're setting your sights a leeetle bit too low?:P

But about the oversized glasses in the 8th standard, I get what you mean. I had them too. Worst, loveless teenage year!

UB: About 3, it's not really the same thing, is it? I'm wracking my brains to come up with something that doesn't have a smell but all I can think of is frozen peas. And those I wouldn't want to taste either. So I get what you mean. When I have a cold, everything tastes and smells of antibiotics.

About 6, I get that it comes across as an equation, but I'm hoping for it to be a honey trap and someone answer nympho. It's a no brainer for you, and I too, but I know homophones who would rather ANYTHING than their kid be gay. My boyfriend has one such troubled mind. I'm working on it -- changing his sometimes primitive thinking that is.

HIF: Just read yours. I agree. I don't know how I missed beer in favourite drink! Oh, correct -- hips BURGEON!

And I know what you mean about Kite Runner. It was like one of our Bollywood potboilers. I lapped it up one afternoon during my college exams and cried because before that day I knew nothing about Afghanistan and Russian tanks. (And now I masquerade as a journalist). Dayum!

The Bald Guy said...

Uh thanks! I'll do this soon!

The Mystic said...

my answers:
1. I don't care really! I'll make my own material things...
2.Yes! A smile is a smile!
3.Smell! Taste in itself can do smell's job! we smell with our brains and not our noses :P
4. I pick a. I don't mind self service!
5. Maroon Lipstick, women look like evil witches!
6. I don't him being gay, he could be a gay nympho too :P
7. I forgot!
8. Bald! I can head butt people better!
9. Married closed friend, my sibling is useless! she shudve known better !
10. hmmm... last week! i had to cut onions

The Mystic said...

@Nimpipi Well its really hard to cure Indian homophobes! I might be wrong in your case! They make it sound like you turned into a zombie! But in my own case i have figured out that more than 99% women are okay with it! Men are bigger homophobes!

Mumbai Diva said...

over the weekend....on my blog.
blogger is blocked in office. why would a management be so cruel? :(

hahahaha but I can still comment..and read. I laugh last!!!

The Bald Guy said...

Done! Here you go!



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