Sunday, October 23, 2011

The strummers, the boors, and Hey Ryan

Best chat snippet from yesterday

[...] 
 N: p's neighbor downstairs is playing the guitar fabulously
  i am going to put a note under the neighbor's door
17:17 me: saying what:)?
 N: "great job with the guitar :)"
  i could add "# 1049"
  thats p’s house number
 me: :))
 N: or "upstairs neighbor"
 me: sweet
 N: but im not sure about that :D
17:18 shall i leave it anon?
 me: leave it anon :)
 N: :) okay
  brb
17:22 okay im back
17:26 me: and and
17:27 N: and nothing
  i didnt ring the bell but
  the guitar stopped for a while and now is back on :D
 me: you're so full of magic
  :)
17:28 N: :D hahaha
  thats a sweet compliment
 [...]

Me, I left my own anon note last night. Bastard driver of SUV in the basement had parked next to and half IN my spot, effectively taking up two places and leaving a generous three inches of useless space for me. Thank you for taking up TWO parking spots!! I wrote with my ink pen on a sheet torn out from my spiral pad, and dropped his wiper over it. I’m hoping the uppercase ‘two’ and the exclamation points – also, two -- make him skeptical of what he might perceive as heartfelt gratitude. I thought of putting my perfectly functional, marginally extensive vocabulary of colourful Hindi abuses to use, but I'm working on showcasing empathy more than attitude. Hari Om.

***
Last week, *cough*, it became kind of evident that I had put on weight. Just a teensy tiny bit. Enough to make a vain woman go ballistic. All that sooji ka halwa for dessert after breakfast. My trousers were tight. I was upset at being called 'puffy' and feeling, I don't know, blaoted, shallow, miserable, all of the above. And then, my friend P sent me this fabulous Ryan Gosling meets feminist blah. Same P, as in friend and love interest of N, anon guitar-complimentor of first para fame. I want to write about them, P&N, how they met, their story, and maybe I will, but of late and for some pleb reason or the other, too much is slipping into a can't-write-about zone. But I'll acquire pair of balls and work on changing that, too, like the empathy thing.


 

12 comments:

kanishka said...

wtf is dessert after breakfast

spbroad said...

Dessert after breakfast! Isn't that the best kind or what?!
And anyone playing guitar in my building makes me just too guilty to enjoy it..mine has gathered layers of dust...

looking fwd to P&N story...

Sanchari said...

Dude,

Missed you. Write more. Please?

Rohan said...

turSomething similar happened to me last week. On reaching home a little after midnight, I found some idiot had parked his car in my spot. I was all indignation, and demanded an explanation of the watchman. He gave me the flat number of the chap who'd parked it there.

So I drag myself up to the second floor (no elevator) and rouse this elderly gent out of his bed. I ask him with frigid politeness to kindly remove his car from my spot. He replies with equal coldness that his car is parked in his own slot and even points it out to me.

It was very deflating.

I found the watchman waiting with a sheepish smile, telling me that he'd made a mistake with the entry and has no idea who purloined my parking spot... leaving me to park on the road.

I wish I'd thought of the note.

Nimpipi said...

Kanishka: This supremely fabulous concept!

spb: Heart to heart, sister - on BOTH counts. P & N - sigh. That reminds me I need to come up with, what're they called - PSEYDONYMS! - for them because I don't like ascribing an ENTIRE letter of the alphabet to one person. "Signed, N". Know what I mean? Yea, that.

Sanchari: Dude, except your tone is more palatable, and he don't say no miss yous, you sound like my boss :D

(I will, ok, I will. Surely one a week isn't impossible, surely! Yes.. see? admonishing self :P)

Rohan: See ballsy! I wouldn't have ever thought of ringing someone's bell past midnight. Good for you! I wish you'd put up more of a fight. Or at least like, I don't know, damaged something of his! And that watchman, I hope you have no plans to tip him on Diwali!!

P.S: Notes don't always work. We Indians are bloody thick-skinned. Although, friendly tip: if you plan to leave a note in future, write in English and Hindi. I think it's at once smart AND insulting!

Perakath said...

Are you aware of PassiveAgressiveNotes.com?

But I feel you and Rohan on the parking spot.

Nimpipi said...

Pera: Oh hai! :D I get your trip. Passive aggressive is on the feed, very much so, but seen 'em one, seen 'em all, no? Iss what i think.

Had it with parking spots thieves, man!@##$% Next I'll be whingin' on about traffic and pleb Diwali mela jams. Save my soul, I say and save it quick!

The Unbearable Banishment said...

I wish I had learned to play a guitar properly. It's the greatest aphrodisiac ever invented. Better than beer! There's not doubt about it; women love musicians. I had a girlfriend leave me for a guitarist once. You'd think that'd teach me a valuable lesson but I still fumble around the fretboard, no better now than I was 15 years ago.

NdeL said...

I'm a sucker for men with guitars!

As for acquiring a pair of balls, Betty White said it best!
"Why do people say 'Grow some balls'? Balls are weak and sensitive! If you really wanna get tough, grow a vagina! Those things take a pounding!"

;D

Pringle Man said...

love love love feminist gosling.
and learning the word 'meme'.

ps - as for meeting, I lost my nerve ya. will get it back soonly.

Nimpipi said...

UB: I can think of better aphrodisiacs. Give me wit and a way with words any day. And athleticism over those plectrum thingies.

Far as I'm concerned, even though you've told me this story before, you're better off without that girlfriend. I don't care if she was even the actress one. What a loss. What a fool.

And get it right, all women DON'T love musicians. (I know, i know.. bit rich coming from me, but still)

Uppercase lowercase make my head spin in any case Hello NdeL. What is this these ribald little quote you have rolling off your tongue, making me blush and all with embarrassment. chee chee chee. And the guitars? Oof. Okay, fine. Rite of passage. Take your time. I'll stay shut.

Pringle babu desi meme? :D Totally up your alley na- Ryan feminist prattle?:D Can just see it. And nerve shmerve! Behave yourself. Block me a slot next week.

kanishka said...

I always wondered what the phrase "you are what you eat" meant

...

*grin*