Friday, June 20, 2008

Horse blinkers for gentlemen

It was amusing to start with, but now I just feel like slapping them. Context being my daily commute. And Delhi being Delhi, men will especially be men. True to their trashed image, these pain in the ass driver folk will not let me dab my make-up on in peace without glaring hang-jawed in my direction at any traffic hold up, any where in this freaking city.

I can well do this beautification drill at home, but I do have a long drive to work, and primer+mascara helps me kill time at traffic lights. There's also a concealer stick (for problematic blemish areas), which I imagine indica driving jatts think is gasp, lipstick, that the queer woman is poking her face with. So they stare, they keep staring. As long as the light is red, they're attentive. And I'm used to the concentrated peering, so I'll still finish rolling the concealer back, be done lining my eye lid, put the cap back on the kohl pencil, and either look across, and utter polite Hindi gaali, or bark a more restrained kya hai?! Like yesterday, at central secretariat -- the guy didn't even look particularly gujjar -- I know that's sensitive, but still, he seemed like some educated type, happily ignoring traffic cop at a roundabout when I'm merging a sunscreen-foundation concoction into my skin. And so I rolled down window and looked at him, raised my eyebrows, and enunciated a very clear "what?", and this dude meets my very combative gaze, but he just slowly turns his head back to the road, looks ahead -- no, no smirk or anything -- just looks ahead, coolly pulls into gear and off he goes!

Women don't stop and take pictures when men take a leak right in the middle of any given road, not in Lutyen's Delhi, not anywhere. Why the hell is girl in car doing up her face so bloody intriguing? There's no stripping involved, no seductive puckers, no lighting up even behind the wheel if that's what does the trick. I'm just leaning into the rear view mirror and stretching an eyelid for Chrissake -- a purely mundane exercise to look a little perkier. Unless I'm missing something, and the Delhi auto wallahs, motorists, cab drivers, cyclists, cops, all of them see something mysteriously titillating about a lash being curled, or a jar of lip balm being fumbled around for. The gawking road awe, fellas: seriously, stop it!

15 comments:

mistercrowley said...

Muahahahhahaha....

But, seriously, some women hold up traffic doing this, so I suppose a certain amount of gripe is due to them :P

Nimpipi said...

oh shadapp. if i was holding up traffic people would start angry, impatient honking at once. there's no honking, there's just dumbfounded LOOKING!@#!$#@$#@$%$#! Apologise for your kind, i say.

a fan apart said...

"Sometimes I think nothing is simple but the feeling of pain"

- Lester Bangs

mistercrowley said...

Maybe they were just admiring you? Stop fishing ;)

Mayonnaise Toss said...

"... which I imagine indica driving jatts think is gasp, lipstick, that the queer woman is poking her face with" - this totally cracked me up - i laughed loudly in the middle of a seriously serious day at office! :)

btw it happens in mumbai too - but i still manage to freshen myself in the bumblebee taxi after work! who cares! who cares! :D

Perakath said...

Screen filter, I say..

chandni said...

rofl!

Blow em a kiss :D

Tys on Ice said...

where iam from, i get to to see women doing the makeup, having breakfast, talking on the fone all at the same time...let me be honest, i hve seen men do that also, except instead of makeup, they dig noses...come on, its entertainment....something to while away time untill lites turn green.....not only that theres something so awesome about a person who can take a sharp instrument that close to an eye without flinching...

we r just awestricken....see? Justifiable....

Nimpipi said...

tys: you're right. awestricken is sweet. I should be more understanding in this.. this contest of make up cuties versus nose digging crudos. Next time -- starting today i.e -- I'm going to loosen up, and ask my friendly traffic gawker whether he wants a different sorta sharp instrument close to his eye. All in the spirit of entertainment, of course. :)

El said...

dude I so hear you. I also have my breakfast in the car, comb my hair, ponytail etc etc and they stare..keep staring, keep staring, and THEN, I overtake them when the green goes on, full speed ahead. sweet revenge.

Benny said...

Seriously. You said it! The other day at the airport i was frisked so bad (they asked me to remove my converses) because they found a very suspicious-lookin'-needle-type of thing: the black head remover!

Haha. Hilarious niv. Kiss.

churningthewordmill said...

wat can i say?men can be weird...esp.those that live in delhi!
btw, someone women start at other women applying make up too!! i used to gawk at this lady that i used to meet evey now n then on the local train... she used to do all her make up(eye liner included) on the moving train...i was mighty impressed with her..i hv difficulty with the liner when im standing on my two feet at home...n this one would manage in a jostling , over crowded train!!

ancientmariner said...

reminiscent of the scene from kaho na pyar hai..somebody trying to tell you something i guess !!! Men will be men, be it Delhi, Amsterdam, NY or any God forsaken desert or forest.Period.

Anonymous said...

hmmm

Why do women not know how fascinating it is for men to watch them getting "made up"? It's simple really. We never get to see it.

... said...

and they stare even if you are combing... JUST combing your hair. A lip balm or a little moisturizer on your arms and you are calling for all kinds of people with all kinds of stares.

P.S. I remember a woman plucking her eyebrows on a red light...that was taking it a little too far. Not just other men but even I stared at her!