Monday, June 16, 2008

Our movie script dynamics

If you're boy and girl, trying to be friends is a bitch. The thicker you are, more the necessity for sex to be gotten out of the way. How quickly so, depends on how much one values time, I guess. Prolonging the farce, and taking the other person for a ride is innocuous enough for a bit, but the one sided attraction and two way ruin is just nasty and sadistic. Option two: keep feelings buried, and leave town. This way two people who enjoyed spending time shan't be left distant and damaged.

I've spent the better part of last week dishing out free counsel to a few broken hearts. It goes turn by turn, and this week was my turn -- to dish it out. Besides, JT did sing what goes around comes around, comes around, comes around, even if it was much after karma was being taught in moral science class.

So I played agony aunt/ nursemaid to the boyfriend's chud bud. And when the boy called me from his +301 calling card number (he's in Phoenix, remember) I told him to ring up maudlin bear friend to verbalise a pat on the shoulder, and not dispense lame there are other girls out there type fillers in conversation.

It's OK for boys to cry, but hopefully week two should be better for old bear cub. Having said that, and knowing well that he don't read no blogs, I can't help but think what a underhand bitch that girl was to him; (and very unlike me, I hoped). Pretty as hell, completely beautiful eyes, Cindy Crawford mole, etc etc, but she just led the poor thing on. How do people still believe these delusive lets be friend diktats? How often is bullshit going to be mistaken for politeness?

Look I really like you, I think you're really sweet, I enjoy the attention, but I wouldn't be caught dead in your pants. Why not just say it, instead of substituting the truth with I don't feel that way type crap?

Meanwhile, my one remaining close male friend ain't talkin to me. And I've decided to let it be. There's only so much you can apologise before the guy's ego takes over, becomes friend's with his inherent arrogance and by default, allows you to see a really dim light. It's like I said, and learned the Billy Crystal way, if you're boy and girl, more often than not, being friends is a bitch.


mistercrowley said...

A bitch? Is it? I'd sort of disagree, considering I have more female friends than male in this city. Of course, by chance and by choice, these are women I'd never sleep with or even date. I'm talking about close female friends...not the type i meet maybe once a month or once in 2 months for a coffee...those are more nodding aquaintances, a few of whom I had shown an interest in...but then, a lawyer with grey hair who listens to metal is v obv not the average delhi girl's idea of date material......
(this is probably a shameless advert on my part, but wtf) :D

Perakath said...

You know, people call me direct, but you're of a different type. Great penultimate paragraph!

And hey EVERYONE says 'there are other fish' type lines :D

Nimpipi said...

Heh. Shameless advert is ok. If not now, then when. As for the other bit, you realise you said it yourself: by chance and by choice, these are women I'd never sleep with or even date.

Wtf?? why not? you've already categorised and passed them off as unattractive or whatever, and it must've taken some getting there. And are you as sure they never ever ever had a thing for you either? Because I don't buy it; if you're that thick, you must have a fair bit of chemistry, however platonic it seemed at the start.

Also, it is WRONG for a boy to be more pally with girls than his own gender, and inversely girls need to have more of each other for friends. I'd judge, anyway. There's always a bit of artifice involved in how a person from the opposite sex sees you. Friends need to be from your side of the fence, the primary solid handful, most definitely.

Per: yea, thanks, and EVERYONE who says these lines even knows that the person in consolation just wants that one bloody fish.

S Vardhan said...

It's the exceptions that set the rules. Your stong conviction in your more-often-than-nots, beg their excpetions to merit consideration. Look closer, and its not so much the inevitability of endocrinology getting the better of a male-emale friendship, but our failure to draw lines, adjust and re-adjust expectations and move on. You will meet normal males too someday . . . its our only, and alas, eternal hope. And then you'll be able to be normal and deal with it normally too. Time and place for everything.

Your post got me worked up, slightly. Humans have this scary capacity to be completely oblivous of the effects of their bad, cheap and unbecoming behaviour while they still lust for attention and comfort. Demand some integrity and the switty-pritty docile facade falls and you see people's flawed truth... not them being human, but just flawed. But its good in a way; sifts out the bad fish and even if not immediately, it cultivates a relish of a different, better fish later on. You will disagree, but this is an occasion for me to say, "Mark my words".

Superbly expressed.

PS: Mr.Crowley has far too much confidence to brag so unashamedly about himself on your blog it seems almost like a feat of great skill! Leaves us coy-er fledgling bloggers resent his go-getter predatorial type. :-) No offense lawyer boy, and no sarcasm at all... pure amusement.

Aditya said...

Brilliant Observation!! I must say and appreciate the explicit stand of yours on the issue.

mistercrowley said...

Pip: Categorised as unattractive? Not really. Some of them are lookers, some are not. But either way I'm not physically attracted to them. I have a history of falling for the most unlikely of women for the most unlikely reasons, physical attributes never being on top of the list :)

And I'm equally pally with males and females...can't help it if most of my male friends suddenly pulled up stakes and left town in rapid succession.

Vardhan: Predatory? ME? Haha....I wish pal...and, look at it from this angle. If I was the predatory sort, I wouldn't put up these shameless adverts on other people's blogs :) I'd be out preying ;)

jesse said...

i just told him to get a job :)

a million different people said...

Um, I don't get it. Isn't "I'd rather be friends" a nicer way of saying "Ugh I'd never sleep with you"? Come on, who wants to hear it the bitter way? Maybe you'd like to, but who's to guess that? I'd pick the safer alternative.

What's wrong with identifying one's choice? Why is that bullshit?

But yeah, there are just too many lines defined in a boy-and-girl relationship. To stay on the "right" side consistently is difficult, while the fence hurts the bum rightaway. :(

Anonymous said...

I disagree with blogger...mostly.

Out of all the women friends I have, I would say I've been physically attracted to most of them at some point in time. A couple, it is true, still attract me despite the fact that I am in a happy almost 3 year relationship.

Matter of fact, with both, I have had certain moments we have gotten very close.

I guess you need to acknowledge the fact that there will always be some chemistry; and if the person is someone you truly respect and want to hang around then you will acknowledge this and move on.

You can't have your cake and eat it too - I finally understand this...

Nimpipi said...

Aditya: Thank you for the very formal pat on back, my friend. As also for taking time out of your hectic schedule to do so. Much obliged:)

Jes: Took me a second, babe, but I know what you mean. Friend, you told your friend to get a job. Got it.

Million: Yes, of course. It is a nicer way of saying ugh I'd never sleep with you, but I doubt how often it's meant as truly wanting to salvage a friendship; which by the time, is anyway a lost cause.

And also, by then, the safe lets be friend alternative comes across as a rejection, little consolation, and an overall lie. Which, to my mind, is worse. It'll never happen. If you want to BE with a person, but the person doesn't, then anything second best
is just false hope. You'd always want more. I think I need to see some patterns broken really fast! :)

Anon: Hey, who you disagreeing with? I'm mostly with you on what you've said. You just caaaan't have your cake and eat it too. Damn these good looking baker friends, the place seems to be teeming with! :) Although that bit about still being attracted to friends when you're in a happy long term relationship, wow. It's scary, true, and I suppose boils down to weighing your priorities. Like you said, that bit about respect, and acknowledgement and moving on. Tsk tsk.

El said...

um, whoa, discussion. good going pip.

chandni said...

whatcha saying!

I totally dote on friends who are boys and more often than not, I like them more than my girl pals! Honest!

i think it just depends on what equation one shares. If the girl was doling out only friendship and the guy decided to want one's fault really eh??

BTW I've had friends who moved in to the danger zone and some conversation and lots of laughter later, are back to being great friends. And we alwayslaugh at the "almost" :D

Nimpipi said...

no no no, see Chandni, BACK to being great friends is maturity-dependent and AFTER you've come out of the danger zone in one piece. Fact is, one is headed there in the first place. Single and young, all the more so.

You, specifically, may totally dote on male friends , but I think once you're in a committed relationship and or are married, lines with friends of the opposite sex get clearly drawn to accommodate your spouse's level of comfort. Remember that terribly jaded madhuri-SRK-salman khan movie? may have been downmarket-ly made and a wee bit over the top, but they nailed it. ( go on, counter that:)

Fond, and comfortable with male friends is one thing -- and possible, quite another to be very thick and keep it platonic for very long. THAT is what I'm convinced doesn't happen. Either blows up in your face, or evolves into the more meaningful,and exclusive relationships;
'the beginning', as they say.

mistercrowley said...

quite another to be very thick and keep it platonic for very long. THAT is what I'm convinced doesn't happen.

But it does happen. How does 9 years sound?

But then, to each his own :)

chandni said...

I totally get your point Pipinder ( Stealing from Crowley), but I think it depends on people and their equations entirely.

There are some close friends who've been just that, for tears and one for decades!!!!

Also, I realsied, I vere think of friends in terms of their sex. And neither does the boy. So we're quite strange that way with no issues on that front. Male friends have come and spent the night at my place even when the Boy'not around...

chandni said...

*I never think of ....

Nimpipi said...

sigh. alright crowley and chandni, I concede. It MAY be possible. In your cases, if you insist. Maybe it only blows up in my face. So i'm still adamant, ladka aur ladki kabhi dost nahi ho sakte hain. nevah. we've all seen kuch kuch hota hai:), and i did already allude to harry met sally. just. doesn't. happen. period. not to me at least, and not to people i see around me. thassall.

Mayonnaise Toss said...

Let me rephrase that for you Nimpipi – an attractive boy and an attractive girl can’t be friends. Ofcourse, definitions of ‘attractive’ are totally subjective – but if you look ok, smell nice and have the common ground enough to be so thick, there is no way that sexual tension won’t come in the way – that, someday, sitting in his room over beer and a movie, you wouldn’t wonder about “what if?”, “how’d it be?” etc etc!
Err…and before the junta pounces on me about the attractive bit, well…its true – its more difficult being “just friends” with a nice looking, smart guy who you totally hit it off with than a fat, short, buddy material who we all have had! I know it’s not a nice thing to say, but its true so go on, kill me for being honest!

I have thick friends – incidentally they are all women – I am an advocate of female bonding and don’t believe much in this man-woman platonic friendship coz I have tried being in many and more often than not, some attraction has creeped in and then its all about avoiding the chemistry to salvage the friendship – for me, it becomes a task to work so hard at it – so I’d rather have lady friends than break hearts and be heartbroken!
And yes I agree, its way easier to be friends with the opposite sex when he is committed or I am – it mostly works fine for me.
That bit about never seeing friends in terms of their sex though, is pretty ideal. But two peas in a friend pod, it's just waiting to happen. And this is not utopia so yes, if you're boy and girl, trying to be friends is a bitch.

mistercrowley said...

Ever considered hitting the talk-show circuit, Tossie? ;)

Nimpipi said...

pffhahahaha! mayo, babe i think you and i need to be shunted off to your own little isle of man where no one is allowed to be pally for the sake of it. down to business, right away! :D

And the attractive thing is mean truth. 'I’d rather have lady friends than break hearts and be heartbroken! ' -- hahaha! :D yes, that. And really, if the beer-movie what if's aren't nail on the head... *gobsmacked admiration for spade calling!*

Miss P said...

what a can of worms... though like i said before, im in agreement with you nimps